Road tripping with a toddler
Mental skills to survive (and even thrive) 1,853 miles together
It was my idea. For years, I wanted to explore Utah’s national parks and re-visit the Grand Canyon. Sharing this experience with our little guys seemed like core memory building material, so I pitched the rough idea to Andrew and he ran with it. ChatGPT helped him construct a family-friendly itinerary with hotels, suggested trails, and restaurants. The only thing ChatGPT didn’t provide was a strategy for doing all of the above with a strong-willed 2.5 year old.
Believe it or not, the timing was actually intentional. Ryland is still light enough to be carried in the hiking backpack; although, 26 pounds of bodyweight plus the weight of the pack itself certainly makes you work. By next year, though, he’ll want to hike every trail himself, which will dramatically limit the distances we can cover and the terrain we can explore. So, 2.5 years old is ideal - or so we thought.
At 6am on Saturday morning, with the cargo box packed on the roof of our car, the kids buckled in, and a bag of snacks and toys at my feet, we hit the road. Only 8 hours and a few short stops until we reach the Grand Canyon.
3 minutes later, we realized that Ryland didn’t have any shoes on, so we turned around. 10 minutes into attempt #2, Ryland was over it and the crying commenced. Cool cool. Solid start.
We eventually made it to our favorite pastry shop in Claremont (the town where Andrew and I went to college: Pomona College, though, not Claremont College. Don’t get it mixed up). After breakfast and running with Ryland up and down the sidewalk a few times, we got back on the road. The next 7+ hours were pretty brutal. Ryland was not content, and that dissatisfaction carried over into a supremely rough first night in the hotel room. Andrew and I woke up after fragmented sleep and questioning everything.
Long story short, things got easier. It turned out to be a really wonderful trip. Ryland found his chill and we had some epic adventures across 4 states, 3 national parks (Grand Canyon, Arches, and Zion), and 1,853 miles.
I often think about parenthood as the ultimate endurance lifestyle. Within each chapter, we tackle individual endurance races. This trip was certainly a marathon - and I am so darn thrilled that we did it. Here are some mental skills for managing and actually enjoying a road trip with a toddler. If that particular variety of endurance race isn’t in your future, then I have no doubt you can apply these techniques to other areas of your life. We’re all just out here road trippin’ through life anyway.
Recalibrate in the in-between
When you occupy a small space with 3 other people for an entire week, and 2 of those people (rightfully) demand a lot from you, you don’t have a lot of time to find your center. So, you’ve got to leverage the moments you are granted. On our first night, Ryland had a tough time sleeping in his travel crib. A couple of times, I had to sit on the floor next to his crib while he tried to get himself back to sleep. I realized that this was actually a great time to meditate, something I hadn’t had the space to do that day. So, as I sat there, comforting our littlest with my presence, I connected to my breath and found stillness. There will be moments when you can take a deep breath and quiet your being. Take advantage of them to re-calibrate.
Train your focus
Oh, the joy of being in a car with music playing, endless storytelling, and the sound of toys being thrown about. It’s wonderful, and a lot, but you can use it as an opportunity to train your attention. When the stories aren’t directed to you or sleep is the only antidote to quell the tears, you have the freedom to direct your attention anywhere. On this road trip, I chose my book - an easy-to-read, engaging page turner. I let my mind get absorbed by the words on each page and as the week went on, it became harder and harder to get distracted. Mental skills training can happen anywhere, even and especially in a car with a toddler.
Let go of control
It’s helpful to have a very loose plan in place, but ultimately, this is a chance for you to practice going with the flow. If your little one doesn’t feel like hiking, let him lead the way and pick up every single pinecone at the trailhead. If your little one is screaming like a banshee, tell him you won’t talk to him when he does it and then let him be his wild, unashamed self for a few minutes. When you surrender to what is - the chaos, the challenge, the complete exhaustion - you make room for surprises. And I promise you, there will be so many sweet surprises. Let go of the potential need to micromanage and let the journey unfold.
Laugh often
It really is quite absurd to subject yourself to long car rides with a toddler, so you might as well laugh your way through it. Let it amuse you. Toddlers are the most adorable psychopaths and even on the toughest days, there’s always room for laughter. When your attempts to soothe them or reason with them have failed, just give up and laugh. This is the fastest way to release pent-up energy and activate your parasympathetic nervous system. It’s also an excellent way to connect with the other, more sane members of your family.
This trip was an epic adventure for our family and I will draw upon these memories often. Yes, there were challenging moments, but isn’t that the nature of any endurance race? Our pictures tell an awesome story and our experience altered our minds in ways we may not even appreciate yet. It was all so incredibly worth it.